im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
