i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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