omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
