i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
