My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
