dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
