somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
