I'm going to jail i love you
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
