dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
