I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
