did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
