Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
