Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
