Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
