Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
