Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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