I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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