It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
