she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
