there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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