And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
this hospital has no fireball
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
