We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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