i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
