We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
