When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
