i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
