Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
