If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
