It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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