I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
