I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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