I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
