I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I love having hate sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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