he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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