woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
