he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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