Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
