well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She's the barista slut.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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