meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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