My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I bet he comes in French.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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