I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
