She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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