honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
