Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
