I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
