this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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