I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
