i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
