i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
