i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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